Saturday, August 22, 2009

All I can feel is hate....

Don’t act like you can help me

Like you care soo much about me

Youre full of crap

How many times of my life time I believed in all those empty threats

Feigning your sickness as an excuse to get sympathy

You say god will help me if I ask

They tell me to be patient but patience has a fucking limit

Im not able to hold on to this frustration and hurt I feel

With the tears pouring down my face silently I pray to god to help me

My belief is fading and my heart is growing colder

I just want company of those I care for but it’s a bit hard when weve all separated

Evry morning is another day of rememberance for how I became this person

How all those memories ive tried to forget can bring me down

The truth has seeped through me and my grief is withheld in my heart

How much I hate this place

All I wanted was a few happy memories that will help me go on forever

Music is the only thing that helps me block out all your bickering

I hate feeling out of control

Sometimes contemplating suicide as a last resort

I hate your guts soo fucking much its killing me

I don’t want to feel this hate but you’ve brought it upon yourself

I just want you to act normal and stop telling about all my sins

And all the punishments I will face in the afterlife

I always thought it was your duty to protect me as I grew

Forbidding me to purse my dreams live a little

I hate the way you act soo religious like god listens to your evry prayer

I vent this hurt I feel when you kill the little light I have left in my heart


I just want to scream this out

I just want to make you feel the same pain I felt when you disowned me

You swore you disowned me but you wont stay out of my life

You swore that you tried doing everything in your life for me but u lie

This hate is killing me

I cant believe I cut myself over you n your stupid comments

Now I hurt

The scars remind me that what you said was real

Friday, August 21, 2009

Every death hurts...

Every death hurts, when you were close to that person.
Every death makes you bring all the memories, every memory pierces u painfully, every memory begs never to be forgotten.
Every death brings soo much regret for what you have not done.
Every death makes you dislike God alittle more.
Every death is another reason for you to leave the world.
Every death is just another sob story for your companians.
Every death makes you think 'Why can't god jst stop picking on you for a change?'.
It hurts like a thosand punches all laid in the same spot especially when the people you love just died and you havnt even got over your healing....
And then when you go visit their graves you just cant take it die inside all over again.
you stop eating, stop caring about evrything around you and you reminisce and cry over the memories.
Its like a punishment when someone brings up a cant breathe its like you're being constricted.
you want to do something to help comfort the others around you but you dont know what to do.
They're gone forever but you just cant believe its true...but then every time you call their number there's no answer, evrytime you walk into their room theres none of their stuff left except for their picture proped up on the wall as a reminder that they're really gone.
you join to partake in cleaning up their come across bits and pieces and you breakdown...once,twice its takes you ages to clean up.
you want to make time go back so you could say one proper goodbye.. but its too late.
Every death gets you realising that your time is unknown.

There are soo many reasons for me hating you but I'm afraid of naming them all because i still love you and don't know or understand how you feel about me. I hate you for not trusting me, for doubting me, for making me wait on you, for smashing my dreams, for disowning me, for not being there for me when i needed you, for not supporting and comforting me, for not loving me enough, for hurting me both mentally and physically, for scaring and stressing me, for blaming me for your misfortunes, for not seeing the good that i have done for you. All I wanted was a little bit of love, but those three words I've been wating for you've never said. It hurts me to know that I may never feel loved by you.
I tried to love you but you turned me away by acting crazy. I'm sorry I'm not the best daughter you've ever had.
But at least I tried.